Be a conflict coach, not a referee

When conflict arises between two co-workers, or even a manager and someone below them, oftentimes the gut reaction is to get involved. As leaders, we sometimes run the risk of inserting ourselves into situations that would be better resolved if we didn’t play the leader card. It’s true that sometimes the situation does require a manager or leader to step in, especially when HR also needs to be called. However, providing your staff with the tools and encouragement they need to work everyday conflicts out on their own can better serve your company in the long run. The real challenge becomes knowing the difference between each type of conflict.

When it becomes apparent that there is a conflict between team members, as leaders we have a choice. Will we be coaches or referees?

A coach will work with their team before a conflict even begins to help them develop conflict resolution skills. A coach will look at the conflict and see a teaching opportunity. It is important to strive not to solve your employees’ conflict, but to provide each team member with an appropriate amount of knowledge (how did you deal with a similar situation successfully?) and compassion (empathy goes a long way!). By encouraging your employees to overcome obstacles on their own, they will be more efficient in solving problems in the future, the relationships between employees will strengthen, and overall your team will be more successful.

A referee, on the other hand, jumps in at the first sign of trouble for fear of the outcome if not in their control. This style of conflict management shortchanges your employees because they aren’t given an opportunity to grow and learn from the situation. Keep in mind, conflicts that necessitate a referee style of conflict management should be acted upon thoughtfully in accordance with your HR policies.

How do you currently handle conflict management? Are you a referee? A coach? Somewhere in the middle? How do you decide when to jump into a conflict? What specific situations have you encountered where it was best that you remain out of the picture?